Ashy Is Not Classy

Winter is upon us and we all know what that means, gross dry skin. I have battled dry skin and eczema most of my life and while I’ve mostly grown out of the eczema it still always comes back a little in the winter. To say it’s a little embarrassing is an understatement, it’s hard to feel pretty when you have gross red patches all over you. I think I have literally tried every single friggen lotion on the market, they all promise wonders, they all mostly don’t deliver. The best store lotion is hands down Vaseline’s Cocoa Butter (or the drugstore knockoff cuz I’m a cheap ass and they are the exact same ingredients in the exact same order, I checked). Another benefit of Vaseline’s lotion is it contains lactic acid which helps get rid of those annoying little bumps under your arm. The only thing I have ever found that surpassed that is this little jar of pure cocoa butter I found in St. Maarten while I was stumbling and speaking drunk fluent French. All you had to do was heat it up in the microwave for about 20 seconds and rub it in and it was pure bliss until the little jar exploded in the microwave. I never even got any eczema patches or under arm bumps when I used it. Now that winter is rearing it’s ugly little dry head again I decided to try and come up with a mixture that put even pure cocoa butter to shame, and boys and girls, I did it. Ridonkulously Moisturizing Lotion-


  • 1 Cup pure shea butter
  • 1/3 Cup almond oil
  • 2 Tbsp honey
  • 2 Tbsp Vaseline cocoa butter lotion


  1. Melt shea butter over low heat, once melted add almond oil and honey. Let cool.
  2. Pour into mixing bowl and add lotion.
  3. Whip it, whip it good.
  4. Place in refrigerator for about an hour to firm up.

See, it’s so easy. I made a very small batch because you really don’t need much of this stuff. Plus, with any homemade beauty product you don’t want it sitting around for too long, this will have a longer shelf life than most though because of the addition of the cocoa butter lotion. Let me know how you like it if you end up making it!

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