For lack of a better term, fuck fibro. Fuck winter. Fuck the healthcare system. Here I am, 22 years old, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon stuck in bed because I cannot move. Not many people know about my struggle with it mostly because I get sick of hearing you poor thing, but you’re so young, and what exactly is that? Pretty much it’s like getting beaten to death on a daily basis with medieval torture devices, and that’s putting it nicely. It’s also kind of like having a small child that doesn’t let you sleep, no matter how tired you are the pain is gonna keep you awake. Normally, I just deal with it. I don’t have insurance so I take a little Naproxen here and there, some Melatonin and Valerian root to help me sleep, rub some muscle cream on if I can pinpoint the exact spot, and the rest I just kind of have to deal with. During the summer it’s pretty manageable, I’ll have the occasional flare-up if I’m not careful, but winter sucks. One because it’s so damn cold and two because there’s so much added stress in the winter (thank you holidays and working at a pretty much seasonal type of place).
Besides the severe pain and insomnia fibro also has a whole other set of super fun symptoms. My absolute favorite is “fibro fog”- ever forget what you were doing in the middle of doing it? Ever start a sentence just to forget what the point of the sentence is supposed to be? How about lose something you know you just had in your hand 5 seconds ago and then search the whole house just to find out it’s still in your freaking hand? Happens to me all the damn time. It’s weird, I can remember what people want to eat and how they like their drinks but sometimes I cannot remember what I just said to them. I also lose my beer opener at least 5 times a shift. I tend not to let most people know about my fibro so a lot of my customers probably think I’m bubbleheaded as hell.
Another fun one I get is my hands, feet, and other appendages go to sleep all the time. I have actually learned to walk somewhat normal with both feet fully asleep. Impressive, I know. Another common symptom is depression, which should be a no shit symptom. How many people do you know that would be happy to feel like they’ve been beaten up all the time? It sucks even more when you’re young because all you can think about is how much fun the rest of your life is going to be with this condition. I just hope by the time I’m back on some kind of insurance plan they have come out with a medication that does not make me homicidal, suicidal, faint, have seizures, nauseous, make me fat, cause more pain, or cause migraines. Yes, all of those have been complication from medicines I’ve been on.
As much as fibro sucks, I’m actually lucky. My mom also has it, which means we both have someone we can call and bitch to about all our aches and pains and that person will understand. I also have an amazing support system made up of my boyfriend and friends who take care of me as best they can. There have been days where I have been carried up the stairs completely sober and no one ever complained. There have been times where I’ve been in so much pain I could barely work and they picked up my slack without once trying to make me feel bad about it. They have stood up for me. They have let me cry on their shoulder, and most importantly they have laughed with me about all the crazy shit that my body puts me through sometimes. Because, after all, I have fibro, it doesn’t have me.
If there are any readers out there who have fibro and have found some homeopathic remedies that really truly help I would love to hear them and give them a shot. I will try just about anything as long as it doesn’t include eating bugs and animal sacrifice.